Sometimes it means letting go

I had one objective going into the meeting: convince her to stay. I was terrified, I didn’t think I had enough trust developed, I wasn’t sure she’d listen and I was worried it would all blow up. But I felt the prompting of the Spirit to just listen and ask questions; to seek understanding before pleading my case. In the two hours we spent walking around the neighbourhood, I listened and I asked questions.

And she painted the full picture of what she had been experiencing in the last few months. Stories of pain, isolation and deep anguish. She spoke of the many costs and pressures she endures for the sake of being an international student in Canada. She spoke of how hard it has been being away from home, and how the home she’s made in Canada still lacks. She shared about how the psychological pain she’s ignored has now manifested into physical ailments. I heard the ways our community wasn’t there in her times of need. I began to see that even the BEST option here couldn’t meet all of her needs.

“I think you should go home.” What? Did I actually say that? Yes, I did. Even though I have a huge stake in her staying. Even though I thought some of her reasons were rubbish. Even though I walked into that meeting with the purpose of convincing her to stay. It was clear, if she willed herself to do it, she could manage, and she would make it work if she stayed. And I listened as she rattled off all the voices in her life telling her what to do and why their reason was the best for her life. And though I planned to be another one of those voices, I just knew, she couldn’t keep going like this. She needed to prioritize her healing, and she wouldn’t if she stayed. I prayed with her and released her to spend more time discerning with God what he wanted for her.

She called me a few days later to let me know she decided to spend a year at home. To transfer some of her schooling and take time to attend to her health, with the plan to return and finish her remaining credits the following year.

I will miss her, and I will deeply feel the loss of her on campus and in our community, but I trust that God will use this time to replenish her and strengthen her, to heal her and transform her, and I look forward to the day when our paths cross again.