Speaking Tour

“You’re young, you’re still finding your voice,” were the words spoken to me by a stranger this summer at the Wild Goose Festival followed by an invitation to take risks to find and reveal my voice. At the time, I was mildly miffed at the condescension of this statement. But as I thought about my year, I saw the ways I was struggling to claim my voice. I thought the invitation was more of the exhortation I’d been hearing for a while to write, but now I see it was more of an all-encompassing invitation to use my voice.

The first time I did a talk this fall, I cried. In front of a room full of people. Which came as a surprise to me, as I’ve never lost my composure during a talk. The topic of my talk was about living out the beatitudes in a community, and why choosing to seek and dwell in a community is worth the costs it may pose. I chose to be bold and share some of my own story, and the depth of what I was sharing hit me in a deep way, while I was speaking, which led to the tears.

It’s often been hit or miss for me when I speak to a group of people. I have studied in theory, the best practices and procedures, but then I find an odd thing happens when I actually stand in front of a group of people, and all that I know to do goes right out of my head, and though very composed, I come across as robotic. In any case, I wasn’t eager to speak to a large group of people following this talk. But with the new title of director of the 2014 Bangladesh GUP, the invitations to speak came in.

I found myself on a bit of a speaking tour, which was both exhilarating and terrifying. My strengths as a campus minister lie heavily in the mentoring and discipling that happens in small groups, and I tend to do best when I spend time with those in my care so that I truly know their context and can discern the best next steps to lead and advise them toward. But, the anonymity of the those in attendance for these speaking invitations, was freeing and a new dynamic with which to work. My first invitation was to speak about redefining love, and how love calls us to love people on the margins and cross barriers and how it relates to crossing ethnic and cultural barriers at the University of Toronto Mississauga campus fellowship. I had the freedom to choose whichever text fit this theme and was encouraged to share stories of Bangladesh, so I spoke out of John 4 and invited the students to do the same prayer mapping activity that we did at Ryerson about loving our enemies and praying for those who persecute us.

My next invitation was to speak at the University of Toronto St George Korean Christian Fellowship. I followed a number of stories shared by students in the community who had gone to Bangladesh this past spring. I shared a few reasons why GUPs are a good thing to do, the long term impacts and some loose details about this year’s upcoming trip. I also shared a few of my own stories. And I realized, as I tried to channel some of my good friends and mentors who I deeply respect as public speakers, how it becomes super easy to share more than you intend.

Afterward, as I was walking home, and realized my brief speaking tour was on hiatus until the new year, I reflected on the ways that God chooses to invite those in their weakness reveal His glory. Though, I’m still a little wary of these invitations, and often feel ineffectual, I know ultimately its not me or my words that matter, but what is revealed of Him. And like most things I encounter as a campus minister, I will never truly know how deeply things take root and grow until much later.