Sabbath musings

So, I plan to post blog posts about the items mentioned in my last post later today, but I feel the need to share these musings first.

One thing that I took away from the National Staff Conference was a book written by Marva Dawn entitled Keeping the Sabbath Wholly. I was drawn to this book because I am the first to admit that I am a frequent covenant breaker when it comes to observing the Sabbath fully. This book frames keeping the Sabbath whole by breaking up our actions and practices into four categories: ceasing, resting, embracing and feasting. As I began reading this book, at once I became aware of the ways in which my lack of observing the Sabbath or the lackluster ways I have been observing the Sabbath have effected how I actually feel at the end of my Sabbath. For instance, I have been getting better at ceasing and resting during my Sabbath, but rarely do I embrace and feast; and I realize that choosing to actively incorporate those elements in my Sabbath observances will actually change how I feel about the practice of Sabbath keeping and also change what I am able to receive and how I worship God.

So, typically I have been observing the Sabbath on Saturdays. This past Saturday, I intentionally chose not to observe the Sabbath, as I felt guilty that I hadn’t prepared myself well to take the day off, and that there was too much to do in too short a timeline. Sunday rolls around and I’m feeling pretty tired from my lack of Sabbath observing. But, rather than get started on work, I finished watching an unexpectedly moving movie and enjoyed some music that I recently discovered I liked. At this point, I needed to shower and get ready for church lest I be late (and I didn’t want to be late as I was on the coffee serving team and wasn’t sure how much prep I would be responsible for before the service). In my rush to leave, I didn’t do a thorough check to make sure I had everything and thus left the house without my cell phone. Which, upon realizing I didn’t have, I offered to God saying that it was good to not have it so I could be focused on the service and then do some errands and come home to the many emails and notifications awaiting me on my phone.

So, I board the bus and begin my 45-minute commute to church. I actually love this commute, it is one of the few times of the week when I can read or listen to music or just be silent and be present with God. This is especially true of the Sunday morning commute to church, as there are fewer people travelling at this time and thus more opportunities to be quiet with my thoughts and reflections. So I continued reading Keeping the Sabbath Wholly, and found myself in the midst of the embracing section of the book. Which called me to embrace intentionality, Christian community, and time instead of space; all at the heels of my intentional choice to not observe the Sabbath. (I have often found as I read the book that I have recently experienced instances of choosing the opposite of what is recommended to keep the Sabbath whole.)

I get to church to find that everything had already been prepared for serving coffee, so all I had to do was be present to serve after the service. So, I went and sat down during the service. While in the service, I had a conversation with God in my head that I was sad I missed my Sabbath, but today was not going to be a Sabbath, because I needed to do x,y,z and that would mean breaking my Sabbath observances. (You can imagine where this is going.)

After the service, I served the coffee and tea, and after cleaning up I prepared to set off on my errands. I checked and saw that the people I usually fellowship with after church had already left and saw it as confirmation that I should go forth in my errands/covenant breaking. Just as I was about to leave I ran into a South Asian man from my church who has been very interested in my work with IVCF, and had offered to have a casual meeting/time of fellowship with his family. He asked what my plans were, and right before I told him I had plans, I realized this could be the invitation I was hoping for, and sure enough when I said I had no definite plans I was invited to spend the afternoon with him and his family.

I was excited by the idea, but also a little worried, as I often find it challenging to spend time with South Asians as I often do not conform to South Asian cultural expectations. I often feel judged for conforming to Canadian culture and not being “South Asian enough”, this especially happens with South Asian women, as my family chose to raise me in ways that were unusual for how South Asian girls and women are typically brought up. I was concerned when the first part of this invitation included the husband telling his wife they were having company (giving me flashbacks to the time spent with my family in Australia) which was soon followed by my getting a ride with his wife and children to their home, while he took public transit. But this experience that triggered so many fears of past experiences was redeemed right from the beginning; conversation with his wife was easy and moved smoothly. We moved through a variety of topics and she was eager to answer my questions and listen to my responses.

Upon arrival, she quickly attempted to straighten up while asking me to sit. We were able to have good conversation at various points. As she began preparations for lunch she asked if I enjoyed spices, and she was glad I was able. She didn’t assume that I could, as she mentioned many South Asians she knew were unable to handle lots of spice after leaving their home countries and settling in Canada, but was glad by my eagerness for spices.

The family is Indian, so while there are lots of similarities there are many differences between our countries. However, it is clear they have spent some time learning about those differences. Soon after the husband arrived we ate, and I thoroughly enjoyed eating with my hands (though if I wanted I could have used cutlery). The meal was a goat liver curry, which was good, but I have never eaten goat or liver before, so I was worried how my stomach would respond, but it was ok. While we ate we watched a Bollywood movie and some home movies, and had some snippets of conversation.

After lunch, we chatted and had tea. After that, the family has a usual practice of taking a Sunday nap. Which I was invited to take part in, as they brought me a blanket and the family retired to their rooms. I spent some time reflecting on the circumstances of this day, and after realizing my plan of post-fellowship errand running was not likely to happen, I was able to be fully in God’s presence.

I began to continue reading Keeping the Sabbath Wholly until the family stirred from their naps. As people made their way down, we watched the food network as dinner was being prepared. Dinner was served around 9 pm, and it was delicious. There was lemon rice, served with the goat liver curry and a homemade raita. It was delicious, though I was still worried about the meat.

After dinner we had dessert of watermelon, and enjoyed some more fellowship time. Around 10:30, I was invited to spend the night, as it would take a long time to get home. I wanted to take them up on the offer, but needed to be home for a meeting at 8:15 the next morning, so I opted for going home.

Before I left, I was able to be part of the evening prayer. I then had company as I waited for the bus. As I got on the bus, I was struck by just how much I enjoyed that afternoon and evening. The God-ordained Sabbath I experienced offered a time of good rest and restoration. There were many times when I was able to feel a “homecoming” both to my South Asian culture but also to be part of a strong Christian household. As I got to spend time hearing their stories, I was surprised by the ways I had categories of understanding; and that my questions were eagerly received and answered. Easily we were able to navigate our ways through some deep cultural conversations where we both walked away sharing and receiving knowledge and understanding. I was able to experience the comforts of home without being home; which was truly a gift as I have been struggling being “home” in my parent’s home as well as my current home. I’ve been struggling with notions and experiences of family, as I’ve been in the reality of “almosts” and “good enough” in both households, so to be hosted well by a South Asian Christian family which offered me a holistic picture of identity as South Asian-Canadian Christian was a great blessing.

And after taking that day off, I was able to return to work the next day with greater vision and more energy.